Friday, September 28, 2012


The main reason that people seek therapy are problems with relationships. Such problems might arise at home, at work, or they might appear as a general feeling of not fitting in. Traditionally, attachment disorders have been thought to be specific to children, but there is a growing recognition that attachment issues are a significant problem for adults as well. When attachment issues are not resolved in childhood, the adult is left vulnerable to problems in forming relationships with other people. Simply, the patterns of attachment that were learned in childhood continue throughout the person's life cycle, all too often to be passed on to the next generation of children.

Until someone breaks the chain, attachment problems are handed down through the generations. An insecurely attached adult, as a parent, may be unable to form the necessary strong attachment to his, or her, children, leaving the child without the resources for healthy emotional development, predisposing the child to a life of similar difficulties. A child's first relationship is generally with his parents, and when these relationships are safe and loving, the child learns to connect to others in a healthy way. However, when a child's relationship with his parents are hurtful, neglectful, or absent, the child doesn't form the capacity to form healthy relationships of his own.










Adults with attachment issues may be clinging, co-dependent, and needy, or they may exert a level of anger and hostility that prevents others from getting close, while others might live their lives superficially, unable to access their true emotions, in each case relying upon patterns that may have helped them survive as children, but leaving them isolated as adults.

On the positive side, there is treatment available for adults with attachment disorder. Depending upon the genetic personality traits of the individual, and their early life experiences, an insecurely attached adult will fall into one of two categories (Avoidant & Anxious/Ambivalent):


Avoidant

Intense anger and loss


Hostile


Overly critical of others


Sensitive to blame


Lack of empathy


Views others as untrustworthy or undependable


Views self as unlovable, or too good for others


Relationships feel either threatening to one's sense of control, not worth the effort, or both


Compulsive self-reliance


Passive withdrawal


Low levels of perceived support


Difficulty getting along with co-workers, often preferring to work alone


Work may provide a good excuse to avoid personal relations


Fear of closeness in relationships


Avoidance of intimacy


Unlikely to idealize the love relationship


Tendency toward self criticism


Anxious/Ambivalent

Compulsive caregiving


Feel overinvolved and underappreciated


No longterm relationships


Idealizing of others


Strong desire for partner to reciprocate in relationship


Desire for extensive contact and declarations of affections


Overinvests his/her emotions in a relationship


Perceives relationships as imbalanced


Preoccupation or dependence on relationship


Views partner as desirable but unpredictable (sometimes available, sometimes not)


Perceives others as difficult to understand


Relationship is primary method by which one can experience a sense of security


Unlikely to view others as altruistic


Sensitive to rejection


Discomfort with anger


Extreme emotions


Jealous


Possessive


Views self as unlovable


Suicide attempts


Mood swings


Tendency toward dependent depression


Learn more at: http://www.mycounselingsolutions.com/Counseling_Resources.html

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